Thursday, May 22, 2008

Here I am Lord...

...The future seems so hard
and I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned...
Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sara Groves

I am forever changed. Most days I feel like a square peg in a round hole - the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned. I view the world differently now. I have been stretched & changed to the point of being uncomfortable. My faith has been challenged & deepened. I feel like I'm moving into a new chapter of my life and am seeking His direction.

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,
"Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here I am Lord. Send me!"
Isaiah 6:8

What has amazed me the most is how my change has affected others. I had a deeply profound conversation with my beautiful sister tonight that touched me deeply. She gets it. She really, really gets it. She gets that it's not about me or you or trivial, fleeting, worldly things - it's about giving selflessly so a child can have hope for a family and a future. So many people look at me like I've lost my last marble when I talk about adoption. This plight of the orphan has taken over my heart. I want to do more. I want EVERY child to have a family. I want every person who's ever had the smallest inkling to adopt to dive in head first & enjoy the swim.

I have had many opportunities to use our adoption journey to witness to others & I take every opportunity I can get. I think how different this would be playing out now if it had been easy. If I had just filled out paperwork & paid fees without a second thought just think of everything I would have missed. Just think of all of the glory I would have missed giving to Him. I know why this has been difficult - because if it hadn't I wouldn't have leaned on Him, I wouldn't have been stretched. He must look at me and think why would I change that?

Sis, I see God starting a mighty work in you & I know He continues to do a mighty work in me. I am thankful He has found me worthy of working on.


Eric and Michelle said...

What a beautiful perspective. Thank you for sharing.


The Gang's All Here! said...

This was beautifully put! I agree, the whole thing takes over your heart and your mind, doesn't it?!

I often find myself feeling out of place when in conversation with other moms who are obsessing about the "trivialities" of regular life - while I'm wondering where my girl is and who is loving her and caring for her. I disconnect sometimes from the present conversations. . .

I have to guard my heart about judging others, as I know they don't have the same focus or sense of mission over the issues surrounding adoption that I have. And I have to continually remind myself to let my girl go, to offer her up to the Father who can and will love her and care for her all of her life, not just "till she gets home." That's an easy trap to fall into - as if I'll be "taking over" for God when she comes to us! Such arrogance and pride on my part, I'm ashamed to admit that I do struggle with it!

Great post!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your comment on! It is neat to see how God is changing you too. I pray that He blesses your journey towards your little girl!

crispy said...

Beautiful post. Love your thoughts. I am challenged and encouraged all at the same time.

Just today I was praying that God would refine me until He sees His image.

Katy said...

What a blessing that she is there to walk alongside of you...every day I am reminded of what I am learning in this wait..God is there every step of the way.

Anonymous said...

I love that Sara Groves song. Don't keep painting pictures of Egypt - look forward to what lies ahead!