Here I am Lord...

...The future seems so hard

and I want to go back

But the places that used to fit me

Cannot hold the things I've learned

And those roads closed off to me

While my back was turned...

Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sara Groves

I am forever changed. Most days I feel like a square peg in a round hole - the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned. I view the world differently now. I have been stretched & changed to the point of being uncomfortable. My faith has been challenged & deepened. I feel like I'm moving into a new chapter of my life and am seeking His direction.

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,
"Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here I am Lord. Send me!"
Isaiah 6:8

What has amazed me the most is how my change has affected others. I had a deeply profound conversation with my beautiful sister tonight that touched me deeply. She gets it. She really, really gets it. She gets that it's not about me or you or trivial, fleeting, worldly things - it's about giving selflessly so a child can have hope for a family and a future. So many people look at me like I've lost my last marble when I talk about adoption. This plight of the orphan has taken over my heart. I want to do more. I want EVERY child to have a family. I want every person who's ever had the smallest inkling to adopt to dive in head first & enjoy the swim.

I have had many opportunities to use our adoption journey to witness to others & I take every opportunity I can get. I think how different this would be playing out now if it had been easy. If I had just filled out paperwork & paid fees without a second thought just think of everything I would have missed. Just think of all of the glory I would have missed giving to Him. I know why this has been difficult - because if it hadn't I wouldn't have leaned on Him, I wouldn't have been stretched. He must look at me and think why would I change that?

Sis, I see God starting a mighty work in you & I know He continues to do a mighty work in me. I am thankful He has found me worthy of working on.