Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Reality Check

I've been struggling. Lately I have been down right weary & I know it is because slowly & silently sin & doubt have been creeping into this adoption. And of course, that's just how satan likes it. He wants to slide his way into the picture without being noticed. He has been hard at work and up until recently it hadn't even caught my attention.

I have very few things left to do to finish our dossier. If I'm being honest, the truth is that I've been avoiding them because I haven't trusted God to provide for us. You see when these items are finished we will have to pay our fee to get the legal process in Haiti started. It is sad & sinful that I am holding back from starting this process because I am not trusting God to provide for our remaining fees. It is not fair to Anchise or to our family. That ends today.

As a good friend recently reminded me this is His adoption, not mine - and I need Him for this. I am tired & cannot go on without His support. I need to stay in His word for strength, peace & trust. I need to lean on Him more & rely less on my own pitiful strength. I can pray that people's hearts will be softened and will step forward to help us. He will finish this good work He has begun.

I'm laying it down Lord, it's in Your hands...

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25-34

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Mark 11:24

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.
Hebrews 11:1

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.
Psalm 27:14


Sean and Lisa said...

I so understand! This will all be a part of your adoption testimony...and all parts of it will be important. Others need to hear our hearts and know that we struggle but we serve a BIG God and He is so faithful to us, even when we doubt...especially when we doubt! I especially like Psalms 27:14 because waiting patiently (for me) takes strength and courage. :)
Praying for you my friend and for God to knock your socks off with a large, unexpected financial blessing.

Katy said...

Hold on to your faith, Stephanie. I can totally understand and relate to your doubt, about the finances and the wait, even right at this very moment with my own journey. But YES, God IS in control! He knows that Anchise is your daughter, and His timing is perfect! Step forward in faith. I will pray for your courage and patience, my friend. Our God won't let us down.

Tim & Sarah said...

You jump right in there and finish, God knows and will provide all you need. Do not let satan create any other feeling. She is you child, but first was the Lords. He will give you what is necessary for this to all happen!

Bill and Christina said...

I am praying for you. We all doubt from time to time and you just have to get back up your feet just as you have said. My heart goes out to you and what you are going through but with others have said. You can do this through Christ Jesus! I cannot wait to hear how God has supplied all of your needs.

Chapter Two Manmi said...

It's a long, hard journey but God is faithful. Keep pouring out your heart and searching it while seeking Him. I'll be praying for you!

Amanda said...

I understand your financial worries, but the same God who called you to this journey (and me) is the same One that provides.

Finish that dossier, girl! That sweet little girl needs to come home :~)

livingpurereligion said...

I've felt like that MANY times on this journey so far! It's hard, and I hate to say it, but it just isn't going to get any easier. Just when you get through one obstacle, you can be certain that there will be another. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. I just keep thinking... what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. When we finally arrive on the other side of all of this, we will be such STRONG women, won't we?!? God called us on this journey as much to save an orphan, as to work out our own salvation. He is refining us and purifying us through all of this. It hurts and it's so hard, but by the Grace of God, He will lead us all through it! And it is so great to have each other to help get through this!

Love ya, sister!,
Cara B

Ginny said...

Boy can I relate. At first I was afraid about the money, now we are only short by a couple thousand. So now I am afraid in a more general sense. I go back and forth; peace-fear-peace-fear. I think when the time comes for Jonny to go get our boys my excitement will overcome any fear I have left. I sure hope so!

Brianisarockstar said...

I can more than relate to the financial pressures of adoption. It seems unfair that in order to provide a home you have to pour out so much money.

It has always seemed funny to me that you are called to support a child and then in order to do so, your ability to support them is weakened ... at least the financial arena.

Thanks for the comment on my bloggity blog!

Angela said...

Praying for you sister and trusting in a God that knows what you need. Seek first His kingdom and all these things will be given as well. Hang in there.

Greg's Wife said...

Get that dossier finished, sweetie! The Lord WILL provide. Prepare to be amazed! He loves Anchise more than you do!

Annie said...

Once the money is gone - it won't matter! If you are like me, you won't feel it. At least that's the way we felt! Remember that at tax time you will get a big sum back. That has kept scrolling round and has financed in great part all of our adoptions. It is only the first one that hurts so much! :)

Kristina said...

Well I know how you feel! When we felt called to adopt Jonas my husband hadn't had a job for 3 months and he didn't get one till 3 months after we committed to Jonas. And guess what...God provided the fee we needed. All $3,000 of it.

Hang in there. You are on the roller coaster ride of your life! You will have many ups and downs, but remember God is the one steering it all!

Get your dossier done!