Monday, June 15, 2009

I've Been a Bad, Bad Blogger

You know how the saying goes - if you don't have something nice to say...

With that in mind I've not had a lot to say. Last week I was feeling especially exhausted with the adoption process. Now I realize things in Ghana are moving at lightning speed compared to Haiti, but after everything that's gone on for us I have been just sick of the whole thing.

Last week I met someone just starting the adoption process. She told me where they were adopting from and I immediately said, "well you are in for a wait then". She told me it wouldn't be so bad and she thought they would be OK. I didn't say anything, but on the inside I was thinking that you have no idea what this wait and this process will do to a person. That this amazing act can make you feel like you are drowning when standing with your feet firmly planted on dry land. And then it hit me - I have turned into the worlds worst advocate for adoption. That is so NOT the person I want to be.

We were thinking we would have had court by now or at the very least have a court date. Alas, neither of those things has happened. I am praying, praying, praying that we will hear something this week. On Friday I got new pictures of Mercy with the latest care package stuff we sent her. Suddenly most of the bad feelings I was having earlier in the week were washed away. Her smile was like a soothing balm to my heart. Five glorious pictures providing sweet relief from the pain of being separated by an ocean. Reminding me once again that any pain that I have to go through is worth it.

Worth every tear.
Worth every prayer.
Worth. it. all.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God.
Psalm 43:5


crispy said...

God brings us through difficult circumstances in order to have us glorify Him. Just remember...our purpose is to demonstrate the true and honest representation of our almighty God.

Sorry it has been so hard and so long. WHen it is over and your little one is home, it will have seemed like it flew by.

Annie said...

It is hard for me not to feel like your Ghana adoption is like the speed of light - and, my gosh!, the very idea that you can get photos!, and talk to her!, and hear about her! That just blows me away. When we adopted Zhenya, it was nine months of hearing NOTHING, knowing NOTHING, we had precisely one photo of him. It was hard to even believe he even existed and I hadn't dreamed the whole thing.

You are really suffering because of the Haiti experience (and I sure hope the woman you talked to isn't adopting from THERE!) I will say that you have NOT been an advertisement for Haiti adoption! Quite the reverse for Ghana, I might say.

Kathy C. said...

I just saw a sibling pair in Ghana I'd love to have and one even has the same name and birthdate as one of my children! I can't help but think, "If I had started adopting them when I started my Haitian adoption they'd have been home over a year even with delays." Even now I can't help but think that I wish I'd started with another country even though I feel the twins are ours. We will run close to THREE years.

Tracy said...

Hi Stephanie!
I remember getting very frustrated with the waiting process as well - especially at the end when I knew we were so close to being able to travel. I will tell you that after you get home you don't remember how painful the wait was. It's kind of like when you gave birth to your children - you don't remember the pain of the labor after seeing your child's beautiful face. I will be praying that you will soon be traveling to pick up Mercy.

By the way, we will be in Marshfield to see some other friends on Monday, June 29th. Maybe we can meet face-to-face. Why don't you email me and let me know if you are going to be around and if you would like to meet.


Tammie said...

Hang in there girl. I know it is hard but remember that the Lord has called you to this and He won't give you any more than you can handle. Keep you eyes on Him!

Padilla Fam said...

Yes, count your blessings, at least you have FIVE pictures of her and you've talked to her. We have ONE picture and still haven't heard if they even know they're being adopted, or if they rec'd the care package we sent and this all happened more than a month ago, hmph!! so hard to not be disappointed... especially when we hear how many pics everyone else has and that they've talked to their kid and rec'd feedback (even more pics) about their reaction. agh!! ok, talk about being a bad blog commenter, sorry.

Leslie said...

All you have been through has been traumatic--it is only natural that you are tired. Thank God for those little (and big) reminders that it is worth it and that He is working. Praying you hear soon.

The Gang's Momma said...

Hang in there! I know it's been a hard journey. It's been hard to "watch" you go through it all, and I've only been hanging round here for a short while now.

But I know, very well, what you are going through. I felt like you do, just at this exact time last year. Losing a referral and having things screech to a halt with no information was hard. But people (like you!) encouraged me and prayed for me and rejoiced with me when the joy came in the morning! So, let us hold up your arms and pour prayers over you now.

And hang in there, even if some days it only feels like you are doing so by your pinky fingers :)

Michelle said...

You are so beautiful Stephanie. I like that you are real about the ups and downs. It is realistic. I know it will be worth it all!