Sunday, February 28, 2010

A Part of My Story

Our pastor recently challenged us to think about "our story" and the impact it can have on others who don't have a relationship with Christ.

At our small group last week we continued the study of "Just Walk Across the Room". One of our exercises was to think about our story in relation to who we were before & who we are after submitting to a life with Christ. Honestly, I had a hard time with this concept. I accepted Christ at a young age. My relationship with Him has been close at times and farther apart at others.

I finally had my "a-ha" moment the other night and decided my before and after could be summed up quite succinctly as self-reliant (before) and God-reliant (after). You see, I don't like NEEDING people.

There I said it.

I do not like depending on anyone at all. I like to think that I can do it...all by myself...without any help. People can be rather disappointing and I've felt for a very long time that I always want to WANT people around, but never NEED them.

When a friend asked me recently about what meals we would like delivered after Mercy comes home my first thought was "why in the world would I NEED people to make meals for me...I can do that for myself".

Seriously now, what kind of deranged thinking is that?

I think one of the greatest things I continue to learn through the adoption process is that I can't do this alone. I can't come up with the money. I can't find the strength. I don't have the knowledge. In this process I am utterly and completely God-reliant. I've also learned that sometimes being God-reliant actually means being people-reliant ~ which is still hard for me.

So there you have it...a teeny part of my story. I am a work in progress. Putting one foot forward every single day, relying more on God and less on myself.

Now let's just see if I have the courage to click "publish"...

6 comments:

Sean and Lisa said...

I can so relate! Adopting has truly grown every part of my life including my need for support from others but mostly from God. I was one of those self reliant chicks too but Connor brought me to my knees and all I could do was look up. Thank you Jesus! Now I find that's the position I desire to be in....looking to Him to guide me each and every step.

Thank you for sharing another part of your story, I know that wasn't easy but I also know God will use your transparency to encourage others to know they aren't the savior but they desperately need a Savior!

Been praying for actual good news for you THIS week! Believing it in faith....
Much love!

The Gang's Momma! said...

Mmmmm, methinks we have more in common than this crazy ride called adoption! I struggle with this all the time. I love that folks can rely on me - that I can be the "go to gal" for those I love. But I don't do well with needing them in return. Quite arrogant of me, I know.

Annie said...

Ilya was just the other day referring to a meal someone brought to us right after we brought him home. It was a "Honeybaked Ham" and a luxury that we've never had before or since. Kind of cute that it made such a huge impression on him.

I have also been "in process" as a Christian for as long as I can remember. However, as a young adult I did convert to Catholicism and that was a powerful "coming back" to Christ, not just the Church. The biggest thing was that like blocks falling into place, suddenly all sorts of basic moral rules that are just ignored in the greater society - made complete sense to me! I SAW why sex outside of marriage was wrong, why modesty was important, why abortion was wrong, etc. It was like God tearing away the blinders.

Annie said...

I'm waiting for that trip to the airport!!

Greg's Wife said...

Way to push that publish button, to His glory!

Amanda said...

OH. GIRL.

YOU TAKE THOSE MEALS OR I'LL GIVE THEM MY ADDRESS!!!!!!!

:)

yeah, it's hard sometimes. lately i've felt like a charity case. my dog has given birth that we couldn't afford so my vet lets us off the hook so we can keep the dog but get the med care she needed, and people keep giving toward our adoption and I don't like NEEDING. But the truth is, the bills keep rolling in. attorney fees, denied insurance claims. And we're all in this together.

Let them bless you. And I'll commit to trying NOT to feel like a charity case. :~)