Our pastor recently challenged us to think about "our story" and the impact it can have on others who don't have a relationship with Christ.
At our small group last week we continued the study of "Just Walk Across the Room". One of our exercises was to think about our story in relation to who we were before & who we are after submitting to a life with Christ. Honestly, I had a hard time with this concept. I accepted Christ at a young age. My relationship with Him has been close at times and farther apart at others.
I finally had my "a-ha" moment the other night and decided my before and after could be summed up quite succinctly as self-reliant (before) and God-reliant (after). You see, I don't like NEEDING people.
There I said it.
I do not like depending on anyone at all. I like to think that I can do it...all by myself...without any help. People can be rather disappointing and I've felt for a very long time that I always want to WANT people around, but never NEED them.
When a friend asked me recently about what meals we would like delivered after Mercy comes home my first thought was "why in the world would I NEED people to make meals for me...I can do that for myself".
Seriously now, what kind of deranged thinking is that?
I think one of the greatest things I continue to learn through the adoption process is that I can't do this alone. I can't come up with the money. I can't find the strength. I don't have the knowledge. In this process I am utterly and completely God-reliant. I've also learned that sometimes being God-reliant actually means being people-reliant ~ which is still hard for me.
So there you have it...a teeny part of my story. I am a work in progress. Putting one foot forward every single day, relying more on God and less on myself.
Now let's just see if I have the courage to click "publish"...