Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Perseverance

I've never ran a marathon...and most likely I never will. I do feel like I've been running a different sort of marathon, however, for over two years. For the past few months I feel like I can see the finish line in the distance, but just can't seem to get there. In the last few weeks I feel like I can see the finish line, but truly don't have the stamina to even TRY to cross that line. That, my friends, is a miserable feeling.

These feelings of hopelessness and fear have been compounded dramatically by the events in Haiti. Wondering about Anchise...seeing all of the children from her previous orphanage come home and feeling like that should have been my moment too. Let's just say it's been joyful and brutally painful all at the same time. I've been struggling with many emotions and I have had more than a few desperate heart to heart talks with God.

I am so thankful that time and time again He chooses to meet me exactly where I am at. Lovingly bringing me back to a place where I can see His goodness.

I have been struggling with unhealthy fear of what "might" happen. After losing Anchise I still have this underlying anxiousness that in the end Mercy will not come home and we will lose yet another daughter. For the last few weeks unhealthy fear has robbed me of hope and joy; the enemy has discouraged me.

As my morning devotion and verses on perseverance encouraged me, I felt the strength to finish rise up in me again. It is worth it. I am thankful for the changes made in my life through this process. Mercy WILL come home. Thank you Lord for being with me even when I am struggling and helping me continue to grow.

Unchangable and unshakable God, through the friends you have sent in my life and by the power of your gift, the Holy Spirit, help me to stand up under trial and prove my character true with perseverance when under fire. Give my faith courage and endurance so that my life shows forth your enduring strength. Through Him who remained faithful unto death, I pray. Amen.

Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.
James 1:2-4

9 comments:

Lisa said...

Oh...this is what i feel too..and i know it all shall pass..i've been thinking about that baby girl as well and praying for her to be safe....mercy will be home soon...

Annie said...

I have the hardest time understanding why everything is so miserably difficult for you....thinking it HAS to be for some spiritual reason that you will someday understand. I do hope so. Particularly as I watched the Peter's adoption seem to go like lightening - I'm just floored that yours has to be so hard. And - it must be even more difficult since you actually have had contact with Mercy and know how little she can understand of the whys and wherefores....

I'm just hoping...it is soon. And, someday God's purpose will all be revealed.

Kathy C. said...

It is truly a marathon.

Laurel said...

We, too, are persevering in the midst of a very difficult marathon.

Prayers!

mama of many

Bill and Christina said...

Keep your eye on the prize!

Greg's Wife said...

You know I'm praying. Won't stop!

The Gang's Momma! said...

My friend, you WILL be one of those saints to which our Lord will say "Well done my good and faithful servant!" Your faith, your perserverance, and your desire to keep your eyes on HIM through it all is such a testimony to the work He's doing in you and through you and for HIS kingdom.

You are faithful. You are courageous. You are enduring. You are because He IS.

Padilla Fam said...

I'm just about speechless, you are one amazing, godly woman Steph!!

Michelle said...

You have run the race well. Can't wait to see your finish! Love you.