Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Going Soft

My tough Haiti-made facade has been cracked. My "I'm in it for the long haul" attitude has been kicked to the curb. It's happened...I've gone soft.

When we were first considering a Ghana adoption and I would hear people complain about the wait I thought what a bunch of sissies (insert my humblest of apologies here Ghana moms). I mean seriously, I signed up for a 2-3 year wait of watching my baby grow up in a Haitian orphanage. To hear I could be waiting a mere six months for my daughter to come home was like a cake walk. Easy peasy.

Well let me just eat a little crow and say that this wait is beginning to kill me (in an I'm-so-excited, please let this happen soon kind of way). I don't know if it's knowing that we are in the home stretch of a court date and subsequent travel. Maybe it's because my heart grows a little bigger every time I talk to our baby girl. I feel like a piece of me is missing. I miss this sweet girl that I have never held in my arms, but grows more in my heart with each passing day. Thoughts of her are never far from my mind.

I've officially become a wimp, but it's all for love! Come home baby girl...come home!

13 comments:

Amanda said...

Aww Stephanie! What a day that will be one day for all of us waiting...when waiting finally becomes a memory. I can't even imagine what it will be like.

Michelle said...

Let's face it, Stephanie, whether you wait, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months or 3 and a half years, it's painful. Every moment away from your child is a moment lost. So go ahead, go soft. It's ok!

Tereasa said...

Bless your heart. I know it's tough. Real tough.

publius said...

I ran across your blog and your entry made me smile. My wife is coming home from Ghana on Friday with our little boy. She has been in Ghana for three months! It feels like an eternity, so I sympathize with you. If you're interested, you can read about our story by going to my blog www.rollinsrecord.com and click on the link at the top that says, "Our Journey to Ghana." You'll enjoy your trip to Ghana. Good luck to you and your family.

missydarr70 said...

Stephanie - there is no way that a wait like that CAN be easy. You are an amazingly strong woman, mom, Christian, you name it. But you're also human. You GET to not be tough all the time. KNow that our prayers are with you, for strength to continue waiting, and hope for when she comes to you!

Kathy Eden said...

Waiting for a child is tough...no matter how long or short the wait is. Praying that she will be in your arms soon!

Lena Wright said...

No worries, Stephanie. You go ahead and be 'soft' :-) I hear (from Cara G) that the wait gets harder once you get closer. I can totally see that.....and so I will pray for you and that lil miss M is home sweet home soon!

Salzwedel Family said...

I think that's it...when there is no end in sight you have no expectations. When the end is within your reach it really becomes a lot harder.

Michelle said...

I understand!

The Gang's Momma said...

I so clearly remember that feeling. Knowing there were days to be ticked off on a countdown. Hard to focus, hard to think, hard to wait. Praying for you, cuz I know you prayed for me :) Hang on Momma, Mercy is coming :) :)

Kristina said...

Yeah....what Michelle said!!!!

Be soft girl, be soft!!!!!!!!!!

Katy said...

When your child is in your heart and mind, there is nothing that makes even a day without her easy. Praying it is soon for you!

Kristin Jag said...

Ha! I had to laugh with this post as I remember feeling that same way when I signed up and thought people were just soft...well, I ate some humble pie VERY quickly!