Friday, February 6, 2009

Directionally Challenged

In real life I am what they would call "directionally challenged". GPS is my friend. I literally would be lost without it. Heck, sometimes I'm lost with it. There have been times when I actually don't trust the GPS, but I trust my "gut" - and I have to say I've had about a 50/50 success rate when those times come.

Lately, I have been feeling "directionally challenged" regarding the adoption. It seems there have been too many choices and I've had a hard time sorting out in my head what the right thing to do is. Every single day I pray for wisdom...not my wisdom, but God's wisdom. We want to do what is right in His eyes. We want to follow His plan for growing our family through adoption.

Today two of the doors for adopting in Haiti have been closed. We now know we will no longer be working with Three Angels. Although it was not what we were hoping for, it is an answer to prayer. It's been hard to think about moving on elsewhere when our foot is still in the door with them. We've also heard back from the other potential orphanage that it is not wise for a "large" family to begin the process in Haiti and they cannot accept us.

We've been told by more than one person working in adoptions in Haiti to run as fast as we can in the other direction. We've been told there are many better options. Less painful options. Shorter options. At this point it truly looks like all doors to Haiti may be closing and we should seriously consider going to Ghana.

I asked a friend today to pick up our dossier when she is in Haiti. That was a hard thing to do. I know when it arrives back at my house I am going to look at it and burst into tears. It represents all that never will be and a realm of possibility all at the same time.

I pray & trust that I will not remain "directionally challenged" for long.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him,
And he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

18 comments:

crispy said...

Sometimes the hardest part is letting go. Sorry it is so hard.

The Real Me said...

I know you are farther in the Haiti process than we were, but I can sort of identify with the feeling directionally challenged. God did show us his direction though (and he is sleeping in a crib upstairs right now... I am still in awe). I don't want to add anymore confusion, but I feel like I am suppossed to share this blog entry with you, so I will and let the cards fall where they may http://holtintl.org/blog/?p=383. This is where our little guy came from and shows the great need. Your blog has been an encouragement to me throughout this process, and I know God will lead you to the right place and the right time.

Terry said...

Boy, do I understand...and there is no doubt in my mind that He will lead you...praying for peace.

mama bear said...

So sorry that you are going through all this my friend. I truly hope for your happiness and that you will know God's plan for your family very soon.

Lisa said...

Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation This is what it says on your side bar....You have to belief this...In my prayers...

Michelle said...

He is going to show you the way...praying, believing and hoping with you!

Tammy said...

My heart is aching for you tonight, dear friend. This is such a seemingly huge blow...I wish there was something I can say, but the LORD knows, and I'm praying He comforts you tonight.

Lena Wright said...

Oh Stephanie, I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I trust God has a plan-the big picture that we cannot see.....praying!

Kathy Eden said...

I too am "directionally challenged" & I am so thankful that I have God to lead me in the right direction. I also get confused when I don't feel like the directions are clear but I know that if I don't act impulsively & waiting on His perfect timing...that the directions will come...loud & clear. Praying for you my friend!

Sarah and Tim said...

praying for you friend...

Amanda said...

Um, I was signed in as my mom last night...Tammy. LOL Sorry...we decided to hit the trail and leave town to get away from stress, and I just realized this morning...you're probably like, WHO is that?? LOL

Just wanted you to know that you were on my heart even while I'm away..

kdetter said...

when you get your dossier back in your hands...burn it as an offering to HIM (that's what i would do....i am very symbolic...lol).....i look forward to your next direction even though you may not even know it yet!!!!! i think sometimes when we are not sure where to go it is because the path is not quite ready.....peace in HIM.....

keri

Tracy said...

All I can say is that my heart is aching for you and I will definitely continue to lift you up in prayer. There is another blog that I follow that, because of the closin g of Vietnam adoptions, was in a similar situation as you find yourself in. I can tell you though that there situation has been resolved in a positive way. Just trust that God has your best. I know from experience that that is easier said than done but also that it is true.

Hugs,
Tracy

Jodie said...

I pray you find peace and the Lord's leading.

Momto13 said...

Praying for your family!!
Love,
sarah

missydarr70 said...

You are not directionally challenged, you are pointed in exactly the right Way - you know the Way, and He will take you there. You just have more journey left. It's not quite the right time for this. I'll pray for you as well!

Chapter Two Manmi said...

I just cannot fathom the reality you've faced and the decisions to make...but one thing I know about you (though I've never actually met you) is that you are making it and going to make it by leaning on the Lord and because His grace will always be sufficient. You really do inspire me.
I'll be praying for you and try to get over here more often.
Hugs,
K

kayder1996 said...

Loaded post, truly loaded. It is so hard to have a "calling", a feeling that God wants you to do something but to then not have things go as planned. We've been there. It took us 2 years to get to Haiti after several unsuccessful "explorations" into domestic adoptions. (Funnily enough international adoption was the one thing I WOULD NOT do.) It is painful and frustrating and scary and lots of other things in between. We really thrived on Jeremiah 29:11-13 because we knew we were seeking Him with all of our hearts and that He would fulfill His good plans for us. May you guys rest in the goodness and faithfulness of God's character.